Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Green power goes rodent

If you love your hamster, but hate identity theft, then have I got the gadget for you. A London-based designer has designed a paper shredder that's powered solely by a hamster. I'll let that sink in for a second.

"I wanted to come up with a product that would capture people's imagination while addressing issues of topical concern such as climate change, recycling and identity fraud.

"The hamster shredder provides a solution to all of these things because it relies on the hamster to generate power, destroys confidential documents and turns paper into bedding.

"Owners can put their paper in the top before they go to bed and wake up to find the hamster has been on its wheel and shredded the paper in the process.

"The hamster just has to go about its normal life."

I guess they don't have Office Depot or Staples in London. . . or hamsters that lead normal lives.

It takes about 45 minutes for the hamster to shred each piece of paper, so if the feds are kicking in your door and you need to destroy a lot of documents in a hurry, this might not be the best option for you.

Best vacation photo ever

So here's me in front of some historic scaffolding and a guy who apparently can't ride a bike....

Wish you were here.

H/T: The Inquisitr

Monday, December 29, 2008

When sledding goes very wrong

What's amazing is how this reporter just watches as he's about to get hit and doesn't move out of the way. But give him credit for almost nailing the landing.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

For the Vampire hunter on the go

I had a really difficult time this year shopping for the travelling vampire hunters in my family.

Getting holy water is no problem (I have a hook-up), and scoring garlic is easy enough. Quick tip - even though peeling garlic can be a pain, you've got to use it because minced garlic does not work at all.

But now, for less than the price of the price of a ticket to see Jewel you can get a full Vampire killing kit on eBay.

The crucifix is from Paris, as stamped on the back of it, and it is obviously old. The Box also appears very old. The vials are brass, and contain Holy Water in the one with the copper tag with the "H" stamped on it, and the other vial has "G"stamped on it for garlic. The vial corks are sealed in red wax. A small wooden stake completes the set. A "V" is stamped on the copper plate on top for "Vampire". The parts, crucifix, wood box, screws, and metals used are old and tarnished, and most parts of the set are vintage.

But move quick, the auction ends on Monday. As of this morning the bid was up to $61, and, according to the seller's comments, is guaranteed to kill Vampires. And for you irony fans, the seller is located in Surprise, AZ.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Take a look inside...

Happy Holidays to the entire Joe The Blogger army. I'm sure I'll be posting sporadically over the next few days, but I wanted to share a Christmas classic to enjoy with the whole family.

SNL A Special Christmas Box - Watch more free videos

Best wishes and be safe....especially in New Jersey where the swamps have turned to sheet ice.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Lock and load for Christmas

Question: How do you combine the warm sentiments of Christmas with the unabashed recklessness of firearms?

Answer: The Christmas Cannon of course.

Lets face it, decorating takes way too much time and there's far too little gunplay. But now thanks to this handy pneumatic cannon, you can blast Christmas spirit wherever you need to in a split second. Just jam tinsel, confetti, snow or 3 pounds of ground reindeer meat into the barrel, pump it up using a basic air pump and BOOM! - Instant Christmas.

I'm sure this would work for other holidays . . .especially Grandparents day. Although you might get in a bit of trouble firing saplings at hippies during Arbor Day. Check out the video below to see how fun and easy shooting a guy in the face with tinsel can be.

H/T: Instructables.com

Monday, December 22, 2008

A perfect gift for the dog lover...

Another great photo from Failblog.org

I think if you are going to hire people to work in a bookstore, you really need to review proper price sticker placement on day one, or stuff like this is going to happen.

Once again, clowns threaten society

It's hard out there for clowns. Aside from emotionally scarring children for life, apparently now they are a threat to air safety in Europe.

According to the Telegraph in the U.K, a man slated to board a charity flight to perform for children wearing colorful panataloons, huge comedy shoes and a flashing police helmet was strip searched by airport authorities who thought he was a security risk.

Clowns are pretty creepy to begin with, but I don't think I ever want to see what's under the makeup.

He joked: I showed them my police-clown identity card, which had my picture next to the my credentials as a member of the Criminal Insane Department, but I don't think that really helped.

"But to be honest, it was a bit extreme of them to make me remove my costume because the metal detector had gone off."

I personally don't think it's extreme, nor do I think we should wait until a metal detector goes off to take down a clown. You can do a lot of harm with make-up and balloon animals.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Does your insurance cover Mexican ambulances?

After watching this video...probably not.

It doesn't seem like they have the intensive paramedic training we have over here, since one of the people helping the patient falls out as well.

So if you're sick or injured in Mexico...be sure and take the bus to the hospital.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Yes Virginia, Santa's drunk in San Francisco again

I will read any story with the headline, San Francisco Overrun With Drunken, Smoking, Half-Naked Santas Again.

So you can imagine how happy I was when I saw a report from SF Weekly, about a yearly tradition called Santacon, where hundreds of people dressed like jolly old Saint Nick pretty much run amok in San Francisco.

They were chanting "Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho!" and by they, I mean about 200 people dressed in some version, and in many cases a perverse version, of Santa Claus. They were also playing dodge ball, climbing trees, pounding beers, and generally inciting chaos.

I shouldn't single out San Francisco. A quick search of the news showed that Santacons are taking place all over the country, including New York. Check out this video of Santacon in the city this year....nothing says Christmas like drunken Santas and Michael Jackson.

So if you're a parent, be warned about taking your child to sit on Santa's lap now that you know what that lap has been up to.

Spiritual Arrest

It probably goes without saying, but be careful if you are planning any break-ins in Malaysia over the holidays.

A 36-year-old man broke into a home in Kemanan over the weekend, and when he tried to leave, apparently a ghost, spirit or poltergeist kept him from doing so....for three days.

The burglar, who entered via the back door, claimed that he was blinded once he was inside and felt like he was in a cave.

“Each time I wanted to flee, I felt a ‘supernatural figure’ shoving me to the ground,’’ he told police.

He claimed this was his first time experiencing such trauma during a break-in.

Monday, December 15, 2008

We Can't Let This Bank Fail

Not every bank will be recieving a bailout this year.

There's one bank that really needs your help during the holidays. If you only do one charitable thing in the next two weeks, please help a hungry family in New Jersey put food on their table by supporting our largest Food Bank.

I'm really proud to be part of the Blogging out Hunger campaign. There are over 100 of us putting the word out today to try and make a difference in the lives of people who are hungry in our state.

Check out this video which shows how serious the situation is for hungry families in New Jersey this year.

The economy is taking it's toll on hard working families in New Jersey this year, and nowhere is that more evident than at the Community FoodBank of New Jersey (CFBNJ), the largest food bank in the state, where requests for food have gone up 30 percent, but donations are down by 25 percent.

Warehouse shelves that are typically stocked with food are bare and supplies have gotten so low that, for the first time in its 25 year history, the food bank is developing a rationing mechanism.

As the state's key distributor of food to local banks – serving more than 500,000 people a year and providing assistance to nearly 1,700 non-profits in the state – the stability of replenishment of the CFBNJ is essential to ensuring that individuals in need have access to food.

There are a few simple things you can do to make a huge difference:
Make a monetary contribution:
Visit http://www.njfoodbank.org/. Even $5 would go a long way.
Donate food: Drop off a bag of food at your local food pantry. You can find them at http://www.sefan.org/
Organize a food drive: It's very easy to start a food drive. Just call 908-355-FOOD for details.
Help "Check Out Hunger:" Look for the "Check Out Hunger" coupons at your local supermarket and donate. No donation is too small.

Some facts about hunger in America:

More than 35 million Americans, including 12 million children, either live with or are on the verge of hunger. - USDA, Household Food Security in the United States, 2006

The number of families coming to churches and food banks trying to get help to feed their families has increased approximately 20 percent. -
National Anti-Hunger Organizations, 2008 Blueprint to End Hunger

According to a recent survey, 6 percent of Americans said they or someone in their immediate family has gone to bed hungry in the past month because they could not afford enough food. - 2008 Hormel Hunger Survey

One out of every five New Jersey families does not earn enough to afford the basic necessities – housing, food and child care – although 85 percent of these households have at least one family member who is working. – Poverty Research Institute, June 2008

In New Jersey alone, an estimated 250,000 new clients will be seeking sustenance this year from the state’s food banks. – “No Food on the table,” By Judy Peet, The Star-Ledger, Oct. 23, 2008

Sunday, December 14, 2008

A sneak peek at Maya Angelou's inauguration speech

So election fever has been replaced with inauguration fever.

I will be out of the country, as I like to do every time people start buzzing about the impending apocalypse. But I thought you'd enjoy this inauguration preview from Chocolate News on Comedy Central. The show is generally not that funny, but David Alan Grier does a dead-on Maya Angelou impersonation rehearsing the poem she is planning to read at Obama's inauguration.

The best part is when she recites the speech she prepared if McCain had won at about the 2:40 mark.

US military unveils the soldier of the future

I'm not even really sure how something like this happens. Like so many things, it leaves us with more questions than answers.

I think it's one thing if you're going to dress up your own pets, but people, we don't need to be dressing up wild animals. Whoever did it, though, you do have to give them respect for their attention to detail.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

How not to advertise your fake Id business

Great story out of Chattanooga - Police actually call this a "mobile lab" for making fake Ids. I never thought you could make a Ford Escort into a "lab" for anything, but kudos to this guy's entrepreneurial spirit.

According to Newschannel 9: At about 9 a.m., Monday Trooper Gary Myers saw a Ford Escort visibly advertising identification cards that could be made in ten minutes. The Escort's vehicle did not have a commercial license plate, known as an H-1 tag, required for vehicles used in a commercial enterprise.

When he stopped the vehicle, Trooper Myers saw a portable computer in the front seat and a card printer for producing plastic IDs in the rear seat. The driver gave consent to search and troopers say they recovered several fake Tennessee and Florida ID's.

I like the bumper stickers as well....are we supposed to ask him about Jesus because he's got a funny story about how he wanted a Tennessee driver's licence?

Spread the love with an inappropriate card

If you're going to send a card during the holidays, you might as well make it a memorable one.

But if you're like me and get your holiday cards on December 23, you know how lousy the selection is. Most Hallmark stores look like they've just been looted, so I'm usually left sending "For a special grandson" cards to everyone. Yes you're on it again this year! Season's Greetings

Finally, the worlds of warm sentiments and profanity have met, and surprise...it's in Jersey.

The people at Nobleworks Cards in Hoboken allow you to personalize and send an inappropriate card for any occasion. You can even add your own photo and message and have it sent directly to the intended recipient so you don't have to deal with stamps and addressing envelopes.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Finally...an accurate beer commercial

Those Corona commercials are great, but here's a clip that depicts the Corona experience far more accurately

H/T: Uberguy.com

Are you prepared for an escaped rhino?

Found this great training video made for zookeepers in Tokyo about how to handle an escaped rhino.

I love the fact that they are wearing hard hats and they actually use a tranquilizer dart on the poor guy serving as the back half of the rhino. I also like how the zookeepers take out the spectators with wooden sticks in order to protect them from the plastic rhino.

These techniques also work well on holiday shoppers.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Prescription to bust a cap

I've always felt adamant about two things: Old people with deteriorating health should have guns and the government should pay for them.

The people at Constitution Arms in Maplewood, NJ have listened and come out with the Palm Pistol, which they hoped to have approved as a medical device. It's a great addition for the gun-loving senior on your shopping list who might not have the dexterity to use a Glock or Tec-9.

"It's something that they need to assist them in daily living," says Matthew Carmel, president of Constitution Arms.

"The justification for this would be no more or less for a [walking aid] or wheelchair, or any number of things that are medical devices," he says. "It is also ideal for seniors, disabled or others who may have limited strength or manual dexterity. Using the thumb instead of the index finger for firing, it significantly reduces muzzle drift, one of the principal causes of inaccurate targeting. Point and shoot couldn't be easier."

This opens up a whole new can of worms for Medicare-grade weapons. Maybe Wilford Brimley can start hawking brass knuckles or samurai swords. I hope he does it on horseback.

Unfortunately, those crazies down at the FDA didn't quite agree with Matt Carmel and said that the Palm Pistol wasn't a medical device. Hopefully this will only be a minor bump in the road to implementing a full-on Guns for Geezers program throughout Palm Beach during the holiday season.

Friday, December 5, 2008

What's wrong with this picture?

The answer is....everything.

Jones Big Ass Truck Rental and Storage

The world needs more people like Toby Jones.

He not only asks the tough questions like, "do you know how big a bus is," but also offers a solution to a problem we all have experienced.

He knows there's a lot of stuff around your house that you just don't need or aren't going to use, like that "ugly yellow luggage," and he's willing to help you out by storing it on the cheap.

He'll store anything like an elephant or even your weed. You can give him a call or find him on "them internets."

Call him soon, because he's pretty drunk.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Is failure funny?

Absolutely. Except when followed by...to launch.

The Fail Blog is a great site of pictures and videos of things gone wrong. Like this homework assignment.

Check out more at http://failblog.org/

The Dan Band is coming to NYC!

Quick quiz: What was the funniest part of the movie Old School?

If you answered The Dan Band playing "Total Eclipse of the Heart" at Will Farrell's wedding, you are correct.

In case you forgot, here's the song - not from the movie, but from The Dan Band live.

The Dan Band is the brainchild of Dan Finnerty from LA, and, according to Wikipedia, "the band is well known for its covers of originally female-performed pop songs, with added obscenities and swearing." But they are actually a really tight band with a great stage show. Their album is hilarious, with medleys of Hold on/Luka, Fame/What a feeling and, by far the best, Shoop / Whatta Man / Never Gonna Get It.

So for those of you in the NY area, they are going to be playing this Saturday night at the Filmore at Irving Plaza. I'm not allowed to go since I'm banned from the Filmore for trying to crowd surf during a Cowboy Junkies show. But I would encourage everyone else in the greater tri-state area to go and report back.

You can get tickets through ticketmaster here.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

What's Mr. T been up to?

During my illness I was having hallucinations that Mr. T was trying to smother me, and it made me wonder what he's been doing of late.

In his TVLand reality show last year, called, creatively enough, I pity the Fool, he goes around the country to motivate people who have crappy jobs by doing their job and leading by example. I would encourage you to watch a few episodes if you get a chance. There's a great one where he sells used cars.

But he's also been doing commercials in the UK for Snickers. Check out this great one where he tells a speedwalker to "Get Some Nuts!" The commercial was actually banned, which once again shows the power that "Big Walking" wields.

Monday, December 1, 2008

A Christmas Caning

Sorry about the lack of posts over the past few days...been feeling a bit under the weather.

But this story caught my eye courtesy of KCRA in Sacramento.

Let this serve as a warning to those of you thinking of getting your Nog on during the holidays and challenging a few neighbors to a knife fight.

The incident began in Del Paso Heights when Donald Kercell, 49, became drunk and then got angry, Sgt. Norm Leong said.

Kercell grabbed a knife at about 5:45 p.m. and went outside of a residence in the 3600 block of Dayton Street to confront neighbors, police said.

Leong said Kercell swung the knife and went after some people, adding that some of those being chased suffered minor injuries.

A bystander picked up a 2-foot-long candy cane decoration, smacked Kercell with it and disarmed him, Leong said.

When police arrived, they found Kercell sprawled on a lawn.

Kercell was later arrested on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon.

The person who used the candy cane to beat Kercell was not arrested, authorities said.

I found a great quote about Kercell from the Sacramento Bee in 2007:

Kercell is a 48-year-old resident of Rio Linda. In his youth, he discovered two things. One was that he had a talent for working with concrete. The other was methamphetamine.
The former, coupled with an impressive work ethic, kept Kercell gainfully employed much of the time. The latter put him in prison.

Oh Donald Kercell...will you ever learn?