You are not invited to my party

David Thorne, famous for the in lieu of payment, please accept this spider emails I wrote about in November is at it again. He received the note below in his mailbox regarding a party that his neighbor was having, but apparently was not invited.


The problem I have with the note is not that he was having a party and didn't invite me, it was that he selected a vibrant background of balloons, effectively stating that his party was going to be vibrant and possibly have balloons and that I couldn't come.

If I was writing a note to my neighbours saying that I was going to have a party but none of them could come, I would not add photos of ecstasy tablets, beer and gratuitous shots of Lucius going down on men to show them what they are missing out on, I would make it clean and simple, possibly even sombre, so they didn't think 'you prick'.

So he initiated another hilarious chain of emails with his neighbor, which you can read here.

One of the highlights is him asking to borrow his neighbor's car and mentioned that he will be bringing along his "quite violent" friend Simon, commenting that "sometimes I am afraid to even be in the same room as him."

As his new neighbor – whose name is given as Matthew Smythe – became increasingly confused and irate, Mr Thorne then announced his new plan to come as a "ninja", making his arrival through a window.

"I think it would be really good if you dressed as a ninja as well and we could perform a martial arts display for the other guests. I have real swords and will bring them," he wrote.

"If you need help with your costume let me know, I have made mine by wrapping a black T-shirt around my face with a hooded jacket and cut finger holes in black socks for the gloves. I do not have any black pants so will spray paint my legs on the night."

Mr Smythe responded: "You are not coming to my house warming and you are not bringing any of your friends. What the ---- is wrong with you???"