Wednesday, November 26, 2008

These could hurt your brain

Just stumbled onto some of the coolest optical illusions ever.

If you focus on the picture, all the wheels start to spin (in both directions). However, if you then concentrate on a single wheel, that wheel will stop whilst the others keep turning.

Check out all of the top 20 optical illusions here, courtesy of the Telegraph UK.

You can't trust a Muppet

From The Daily Dust:

You have to hand it to the German privacy laws, they provide some of the greatest get-out clauses we at The Daily Dust have ever seen. Take this one, in regards to speeding tickets. To get one in Germany the police need (a) your licence plate and (b) to clearly identify you as the driver.

Catch is, they’re not allowed to identify the passengers. So, thinks one plucky Brit, what happens if their delightful automatic privacy screens will mask the passenger in the left hand seat. Which is where I, in my british designed left hand drive car, am sitting. Bingo, no proof it was me driving!

Which would be cheeky enough, but then to really make his (or her) point, he decided to put a life size Animal from the Muppet Show into the seat, just for the camera. Raaaa-raaaa-raaaaa,” as the drummer from Dr Teeth and the Electric Mayhem would say.

Will work for Frosted Flakes

Times really are getting tough.

I hope this doesn't become a trend. I don't want to open my 401K statement and see a picture of Count Chocula.
Thanks to

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

What's worse than jail?

Barry Manilow of course.
Judge Paul Sacco in Colorado is punishing noise ordinance violators by sentencing them to sit in a room for an hour and listen to music they don't like.

Ten years ago, the judge found that too many repeat offenders were returning to his courtroom.

Many of them were teenagers whose parents would pay off the fines they incurred from playing their music too loud.

Mr Sacco did not feel that the message that noise pollution was unacceptable was getting through, so he decided to give the teenagers a bit of their own medicine.

The playlist at a recent session included:

Barry Manilow's I can't smile without you
The Platters' Only You
Joni Mitchell's Chelsea Morning.

So what songs would you punish people with?

Monday, November 24, 2008

Crazy in love...with Ferrets

So I watched a documentary on PBS a few weeks ago about the ultra-competitive world of Ferret shows, which, ironically, is called The Pursuit of Excellence. It was a lot like the movie Best in Show, but with Ferrets and real people, which made it substantially less funny. For those of you unfamiliar with Ferrets, they were brought to America by Vasco De Gama to provide an alternative source of vermin for those who were allergic to rats and plague.

Needless to say, the most disturbing thing about the movie was the fact that everyone seemed obligated to wear shirts that said "Got Ferrets?" I feel like, if you are at the Ferret show, more than likely you've got ferrets.

I knew that PBS didn't even think to highly of the movie, because they didn't break once to hit the viewers up for money. It was like they were apologizing for making me feel so dirty. The best part is that the ferrets all have names like "Obsidian Tears" and "Mr. Marshmallow Man," and one woman got a bit to close to one of the ferrets and it took a huge gash out of her nose.

I'm not sure what looks worse, wearing a shirt that says Got Ferrets? or wearing the same shirt, covered in your own blood while screaming "WHY MR. MARSHMALLOW MAN, WHY?!?"

So maybe at this point the movie still sounds appealing. You're thinking you'll throw back a couple Ferretinis (Stoli, sugar and mouse vomit), sit back and have a good laugh. Well then I would encourage you to just watch this kind of sums up the whole movie in 40 seconds. This is the edited version. In the movie the song goes on for 41 minutes.

Check out a great warning label for Ferrets here.

Cat on a Roomba

For whatever reason, this is strangely hypnotic.

All my favorite shows are ending, so now I'm left watching stuff like this.

Arrr! Where be the pirates?

There is nothing worse than planning a trip at sea, only to have it be ruined by pirates. It seems like they are just everywhere these days.

But now the International Maritime Bureau is looking to help by offering a real-time map of pirate activity based on Google Maps.

You can click on each flag to get a detailed report of the incident. Just taking a glance at the map, I would try to avoid doing much sailing around Africa.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Feel the need for Speed(fit)

So I thought people couldn't look any dumber when they jogged, but thanks to Speedfit, that's now possible. The best part is about 30 seconds into this video where they show off the tandem mode. Because the best way to get in the zone when working out is to have another sweaty panting dude behind you. This is also a great training device for someone who might be thinking about chasing another person, but wants to experiment with the idea before doing it in a real world situation.

By the way, they're looking for investors.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Why stupid people shouldn't breed

I don't usually like to call people out by name, but this case is different.

Jackee and Roger Sealy are complete idiots and should be sterilized.

When it comes to their three children, Roger and Jackee Sealy share naming responsibilities. She gets to pick the first name. He gets to pick the middle name.
"I came up with Brooke, Cooper, and Carter, and he came up with Trout, John Elway and Barack Obama,"
Jackee told KUSA in Denver.

Seriously? Usually in a relationship like this there's one person that's has moronic ideas like....I don't know....naming your child Brooke Trout or Carter John Elway, and another who serves as the more level-headed one.

Not the Sealy's apparently. They're both morons.

Isn't there enough novelty with screwing up one child? Why must you punish two other innocents purely for having you as parents.

I was hoping when I first read this story that it was Jackee from 227, which, in all honesty, would have made it okay. Don't ask me why.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Why I failed the Mountie exam

Below are actual questions that applicants for the Royal Canadian Mounted Police have to answer in a polygraph exam to be considered for the program. Supposedly, the idea is to screen out terrorists, but a newly declassified RCMP assessment of the polygraph program's privacy implications says the force was "not doing a sufficient job" of weeding out unworthy applicants.

I think this is just another slap in the face for drunks, shoplifters and flashers.

Needless to say, I didn't do so well with my answers.

How many times have you been intoxicated in the past year?
Lunar or Chinese?
What is the worst thing you have ever done as a result of drinking alcohol?
Probably drank more gets real fuzzy after that.
Have you ever engaged in bestiality?
Hypothetically, if I said once with a horse, would that hurt my chances?
Have you ever switched price tags on an item to obtain something for a lesser price?
Yes, but I think it was wrong to put a value on a child in the first place.
Have you ever intentionally set a building, structure or vehicle on fire?
Yes, but to be fair, there's a lot of crazy stuff that goes on at Burning Man.
Have you ever threatened anyone over the Internet?
Who's to say what really constitutes a "threat" these days. By the way, what's your email?
Have you ever exposed yourself to anyone in public?
Where else would one expose themselves?
Have you ever tried to take your life?
Only every time I hear Gordon Lightfoot.

Monday, November 17, 2008

New show: Lazy man waiting for a pizza

I've often been sitting in front of the TV and can I sustain myself with the least effort possible? Calling to order food is great, as long as the phone is within reach. Going online to order isn't even an option, since I have to scale 12 stairs to get to the computer.

But now, thanks to Domino's and Tivo. I can order pizza directly through my remote. I can even track my pizza on the screen while I'm waiting for it to arrive. (Which can't be any more boring than watching Sunrise Earth )

Since Tivo likes to anticipate my needs with regard to tv shows, although I'm still not clear how watching Ninja Warrior would make me a fan of Shear Genius, I'm hoping it will eventually just order pizzas for me so I don't even have to put forth the effort to even think about it.

Friday, November 14, 2008

In lieu of payment, please accept this spider

From David Thorne didn't have the $233.95 to pay an lieu overdue account. So what did he do? What any other budding young genius would do, he submitted a picture of a spider he drew instead.

Be sure and read the whole email chain here.

Urine orbit

Ground control to Major Tom: Don't drink the water.

NASA will soon be installing a new device on the International Space Station that should put a fun spin on drinking clean water in space. This handy machine will process the astronauts' urine into drinking water. I guess Bear Grylls is now in charge of mission control over there - seriously, I've never seen one man drink so much of his own urine with so much gusto.

NASA, though, seems to think this is a great idea.

"We did blind taste tests of the water," said NASA's Bob Bagdigian, the system's lead engineer. "Nobody had any strong objections. Other than a faint taste of iodine, it is just as refreshing as any other kind of water."

"I've got some in my fridge," he added. "It tastes fine to me."

So if you ever get invited over to Bob Bagdigan's house for dinner, for god sakes bring you own water. Who know's what else he's got in his fridge. Oh, and don't confuse him with Bob Balaban, he's cool and only drinks Dasani.

Phillies fans actually don't boo someone

How big is Will?

Apparently in Philly he's huge.

For a town that's booed pretty much everybody and everything, it's nice to see them cheer for something.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

World's ugliest dog goes to world's ugliest heaven

Sad news to report from the world of ugly animals.

Gus, a Chinese crested, voted recently as the world's ugliest dog, died the other day at the age of nine. Nine in ugly dog years actually works out to 167 in ugly human years.

"He took me to amazing places," owner Jeanenne Teed recounts. "Who would have thought, that one little dog with no hair ..."

Hopefully she wasn't talking about where she went to bury him. I have a reasonably attractive dog with hair, and the only place he ever took me was to a deer carcas in the woods. Gus now joins Agnes, the worlds ugliest ferret and Cecil the world's ugliest wildebeast in ugly animal heaven.
We'll miss you Gus, you little hairless bastard.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Looking out for number one

Our hats go off to Jersey City Councilman Stephen Lipski today.

Lipski, who apparently likes to get his drink on in da club, has vowed to stop drinking after he was busted for urinating off a club balcony in Washington D.C. Saturday night. Unfortunately for club patrons, he was still inside the club when nature called.
While it's great that he's offered to stop drinking, unlike Chuck Berry and R. Kelly, it seems like he could really set a good example by vowing not to urinate on people anymore.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Why I don't jog

Nobody looks good when they jog. I must see at least a dozen people every weekend lurching down the street dripping in sweat and gasping for air all in the name of "exercise." It seems like a pretty fruitless endeavor, but it turns out it's also incredibly dangerous.
A jogger in Arizona was bitten by a fox on Monday and then proceeded to do what any level-headed person would do when attacked by a potentially rabid wild animal that can't be dislodged from one's flesh. She kept it clamped to her arm as she ran back up the trail - for about a mile - and then stashed it in her car to take it to the hospital to have it tested for rabies.
Oh, and when she got to the hospital, the fox bit an animal control officer. So now the two will be receiving a series of painful rabies shots.
I've never jogged, but I've also never been bitten by a rabid fox while sitting in a bar chainsmoking.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Chickens hate hot air balloons

If you're planning a hot air balloon ride over the English countryside this weekend...for god sakes please don't.

Abbi Vincent-Lloyd, a chicken farmer in Herefordshire claims that hot air balloons and airplanes flying over her farm are causing her chickens to go crazy and die.

She claimed the stress of seeing the enormous balloons overhead caused them to run for cover.

It is as they desperately try to find shelter that they bump into each other or their surroundings, exploding the eggs inside them, she said.

This in turn causes an infection, which is thought to have led to scores of them dying.

Miss Vincent-Lloyd, 32, said post mortems of the animals revealed they had died from peritonitis, developed from the egg being released inside them.

She said: "I had lost about 15 birds when I decided to have the vet do a post mortem on two of them.

"I told the vet about the hot-air balloons and jets flying low over the farm and straight away he said that was the cause.

That's my kind of medical professional. You tell him what you think is wrong and he agrees. A diagnosis like that really slams the door on any lingering doubt.

Most hot air balloons seem pretty harmless, but I could see how this one might upset a few chickens. It's sad to see such a majestic creature that could have lived a long and fulfilling life die at least two weeks before their time.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Running Shrimp meets Benny Hill

So I think it's been pretty well established that the theme song from the Benny Hill Show makes everything funny. But it turns out it also makes seemingly useless scientific research more interesting as well.

Monday, November 3, 2008


I've always thought that the Twinkie would be the absolutely perfect food if it was only 1/3 smaller. Aside from the fact that it's just way to filling in it's current size, it's also just not easily transportable. Every day when I see the parade of sad children pulling a Coleman cooler as a lunch box just so that they can have a Twinkie for desert, I'm saddened. I'm actually surprised Andy Rooney hasn't gotten on this issue yet, but there is rampant speculation that he's been paid hush money from "Big Twinkie" just to keep the status quo on the issue.

In a shout out to over-sized middle America, or Joe the pre-diabetic, as that voting block prefers to be known as, Twinkies will now be avaiable in a 100 calorie version.

I'll give that a moment to sink in. There are probably a lot of people trying to catch their breath from scrolling so fast.

According to David Leavitt, vice president of snack marketing at Hostess:

...people asked for a lightened version and the company got to work. They didn't want to just shrink the Twinkie, known for its elongated shape, Leavitt said, so they created three, miniature round versions. Leavitt said people enjoy having multiple bites rather than just the one product...

So you just ask Hostess to do something and they "get to work." God bless them. Appratently, though, they won't kill for you. So stop asking them. And who doesn't enjoy multiple bites when they're eating something? Isn't that the logic behind the 72-ounce steak they offer throughout Texas? Or the Toblerone?

I just think it's great. Finally a Twinkie we can all enjoy. And now that we've conquered diabetes, especially in kids, we can all eat a Twinkie without any guilt. Heck, since you love multiple bites so much, have three or four.